Have you learned the proper way to sleep with your dog in the bed yet? This is a pretty complete list!
10.. Always take your pillow with you when making nocturnal bathroom visits. Otherwise, you will be laying on your arm when you return, as the dog will not be willing to return your pillow. (Dogs firmly believe in possession being nine-tenths of the law)
9. When the alarm goes off, shut it off quickly, as the noise disturbs your dog and he will immediately decide it is time to play and / or eat.
8. Make sure when you go to bed, you have all of the covers. This reduces the chances that by morning you will have none, and will be laying in a fetal position trying to stay warm.
7. When the dog lays his nose on the pillow next to yours, and gazes deeply into your eyes, bury your head in the pillow, because he is getting ready to sneeze in your face.
6. Repositioning an uncooperative sleeping dog on your bed is akin to trying to move wet concrete! Older dogs have a lazy susan in their middles. No matter where you move them, their center point remains in the exact same spot.
5. Invest in a king-sized bed – it greatly reduces the human-on-the-floor syndrome. In lieu of a king-size bed – long fingernails facilitate hanging on to the side of the mattress for a good night’s sleep- it’s actually quite comfortable once you get used to it.
4. When sleeping with spouse, you have monochrome snoring; sleeping with spouse and one dog results in snoring in stereo; spouse and 2 dogs gives you surround sound. It helps to have a spare bedroom.
3. Never go to the bathroom in the middle of the night unless you want to take older dog for a walk because he can’t make it down the back steps, and the younger dog immediately thinks it’s time to eat. All of this results in being fully awake. Spouse either sleeps through this entire episode, or it wakes him up and he’s grumpy.
2. If by some chance you can sneak out of the bed without disturbing anyone, better just settle in the lounge chair because there will be absolutely no space whatsoever in the bed. Everyone stretches out to take up the maximum surface area possible. If you push your way back in, you end up with a fully washed face and a 50 lb. dog lying on you trying to get fed early.
1. Proper etiquette requires that the dog sleep between you and your mate. Resistance is futile.
Until next time,
Good day, and good dog!