Dogs vs. Cats

The differences between dogs and cats are nicely summed up in these diary excerpts:

7:00 AM – Outside! My favorite thing!

8:00 AM – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 AM – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 AM – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 AM – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM – Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

2:00 PM – Looked out the window and barked! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

4:00 PM – Chased a bird out of the tree! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 PM – Watched my people eat! My favorite thing!

6:20 PM – Table scraps! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog continues to receive special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return.

He is obviously retarded.



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4 thoughts on “Dogs vs. Cats”

  1. Oh wow, if you think cats don’t enjoy being with you then you must never have owned one… Either that, or you were a pretty crappy cat parent.

  2. OMG!! I love these diary things because they r actually true!! Dogs love to be with u and cats on the other hand don’t. I have two german shepards and they r the cutest dogs ever!!! Every time they see me they start wagging their tails and can’t stop!! GO DOGS!! Suck it cats!!

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