10.  When you have gas, own up to it – don’t blame it on me!  And, by the way, if you’d feed me a higher quality food, I wouldn’t even have gas!

9.  When you got me, did you really expect a dog NOT to bark?

8.  When we’re walking, isn’t it for  MY benefit?  So why can’t I stop and pee on stuff when I want to?

7.  Why on earth would I want to wear clothes?  My birthday suit is beautiful just as it is!

6.  No, I don’t enjoy balancing my food on my nose.  Would you?

5.  You know that “game’ we play where you pretend to throw the ball to see if you can fake me out?  It was only funny the first time.  Now it’s just old.

4.  Why do you keep taking me back to that evil place that stole my manhood?  I’ve got nothing left to give!

3.  Handshakes are just not my thing.  Crotches smell much better.  Get over it.

2.  I have fur for a reason – don’t shave it off.

1.  What do you mean the whole ham you left on the counter wasn’t for me?

Until next time,

Good day, and good dog!