Category Archives: Behavior and Psychology

Puppy Property Laws

If I like it, it’s mine.

If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine.

If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.

If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

If  toys are out, all of them are mine.

If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.

If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.

Until next time,

Good day, and good dog!

P.S.  Same rules go for human toddlers!

Doggie Prayers

 

TO: GOD

 FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?  Or is it still the same old story?

 Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the ‘ Chrysler Beagle’?

 Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

 Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

 Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

 Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog. 

1 I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

 3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

 4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.

 5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

 7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.

8.  I don’t need to be immediately under Mom’s feet when she is carrying a laundry basket down the stairs.  She can probably make it safely down without my help.

 9. I don ‘t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.

10. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.

 11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

 12. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch .

13. There is no secret exit from the bathroom.  Mom or Dad will come out the same way they went in, so I don’t need to try to paw my way inside to follow them.

 14. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

 P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Who Needs Sleep Anyways?

My friend, Wendy, reports that sleeping in is an impossibility at her house.  Between the hours of 5:30 and 6:00 am, every morning, Jake decides it is time for the household to be awake.  He doesn’t lick Wendy’s face or bark or jump on the bed; he rips the covers off the bed and drags them out of the room.

I have a similar problem with my Golden, Maggie.  She is also hungry at about 5:30 in the morning and will do just about anything to get me up to feed her.  She hasn’t stolen my covers yet, but she does all of the other things – licks my face, jumps and lands all of her 70 pounds smack on top of me, barks incessantly, and paws at me.  I always have bruises up and down my arms where she claws at me to get me out of bed.

Why is it we have to leave sleeping dogs lie, but they’re allowed to get us up whenever they want to? 

Write and tell me your dog wake-up stories at [email protected].

Until next time,

Good day, and good dog!

Don’t worry – he won’t bite!

OK, I admit it, I have a vested interest in this one.  I work at a midwestern power company during the day and blog by night. 

Our single biggest source of injury is dog bites.  And of course, all the owners tell us, “don’t worry – he won’t bite!”  Have you ever said that about your dog?  Are you sure he won’t? 

It’s not only the big, scary dogs that bite.  Our employees have often been bitten by little ankle-biters, as well.

Continue reading Don’t worry – he won’t bite!

Undercover, but not a cop…

I never knew sanitation workers could go undercover…only in New York City.

Apparently, The Big Apple is serious about its pooper scooper law.  Theo Otibu, a former Ghana police officer and UN monitor in Bosnia, is now an undercover sanitation worker in Brooklyn – watching for people who don’t clean up after their dogs.  Apparently, the sanitation department employs 15 people to enforce the pooper scooper law across the five boroughs… Continue reading Undercover, but not a cop…